Royal African Company to Sponsor 2022 Qatar World Cup

FIFA today announced that they had entered into an exclusive sponsorship agreement for the 2022 world cup with the Royal African Company, a British company that has been taken out of its 1752 liquidation in order to capitalise on the new opportunities that are presenting themselves in the global slavery sector.

Benjimin Farragut Flibberjabber CEO of the recently revived company told gathered press:

“Whilst many think that slavery went the way of the Maradona’s sobriety the truth of the matter is that there is a booming industry in the skin and muscle trade, so much so that we thought it was time to dust off the old Royal African Company and bring her back to life! 

Our decision to sponsor the FIFA 2022 world cup in Qatar was an easy one.  Right now there are at least five Nepalai, Indian, Pakistani or whatever workers a day dying on the construction sites of the Middle East, this means a new market of at least 1500 new skins a year to the Gulf states alone.

We thought we had it good in the 1700’s! Now its quite clear that we didn’t know shit back then! The global market for slavery is booming, and I am so excited about it that I get a perky trouser jolt just thinking about all the money we will make. 

Child slavery is also a hot market, with lucrative contracts available from leading companies like Philip Morris in the tobaco growing sector, Victorias Secret, Forever 21, Aeropostale, Toys ‘R’ Us, Urban Outfitters and many more in the cotton sector in Uzbekistan, not to mention Hershey’s in our old stomping grounds of West Africa, we would be fucking mental not to start up again and cash in on the action. 

Don’t even get me started about China and South East Asia!  I could quite literally cum in my Y fronts at the thought of all the money to be made by paying forced workers 0.50 cents an hour to crank out consumer products from dancing puppies to H&M willy warmers!  In Asia the Red Bull is so much stronger so you can normally get a good 15 hour workday out of your assets before the little bastards start collapsing and dying.

I am delighted that our company will be the lead sponsor for the 2022 the World Cup, if you want to be a “big thing” in the world of slavery and forced bondage then you had better start at the top – and in my opinion Qatari companies lead the way by a long chalk right now”

Qatar, and many other Gulf nations use the “kafala” system; under this system every worker needs a “sponsor,” usually this will be their employer or any number of the unscrupulous construction manpower suppliers operating in the region.

When hired under the kafala system the employee needs permission from the sponsor to leave the country or change jobs.  The sponsor can also hold passports and is responsible for the issuance of ID’s.  Without IDs workers basically have no legal protection, especially when they do not get paid for their work for months on end.

Many of these workers become indentured when they take “loans” from the local office of the manpower company in their home country.  They then use this loan to pay “fees” to get work contracts  in Qatar. Sometimes the same company adds huge rates of interest to this loan and then deducts it from their wages earned in Qatar.   When they arrive in the country the workers passports may be taken, and they may not paid for months, documents can be withheld and they may be forced to work long hours in dangerous conditions. Although not all companies conduct themselves in this way there is little or no regulation or reporting on individual company practices.

One of the workers “Rakesh Singh explained his situation:

“It is very very terrible for me , at 05.00am I must wake up and clean my masters donkey, then I am forced to touch the donkey on its genitalia very fast indeed whilst my master claps and sings merrily and his wife plays Lenny Kravitz songs on the Oud. Then I wash the donkey again, brush its teeth and get on the bus to start my day at the construction site.

Kravitz ” If its true this sucks balls”

I spend 10 hours working in the hot desert sun at the construction site, often with little food or water, the environment is unsafe and people are dying every day.  After my day I must return to my hostel with 100 other workers, we eat the little food we have and then go to bed. I spend the night dreaming of donkeys singing “Are you gonna go my way” only to wake up in horror at 5:00am to start my day again.

I am so in debt to the recruitment company that got me this job that I will have to be sexy with the donkey another 523 times before I start making money, even then I doubt I will be paid, luckily I am a Lenny Kravitz fan so its not all bad”. 

In just three months from June to August of this year at least 44 migrant workers have died in Qatar preparing the country for the World Cup.   Although the slavery situation seems to be common knowledge, not one footballer has made a stand against slavery by speaking out against the tournament. Ironically this would seem to be the only thing that could make an impact on the current situation in Qatar.

Based on the same rate of construction worker deaths between now and 2022 the cost of the World Cup 2022 tournament would have amounted to over 1400 human lives lost on Qatar construction sites alone.

But hey fuck it!  What are 1400 human lives compared to 90 minutes of riveting football! Especially when you can buy all that fantastic gear made by kiddies picking cotton. Come on Qatar!

Links –  It would be funnier if it wasn’t true!

Five companies that use salve labor

Qatar and its world cup slaves

Royal African Company Honorable History

Slavery a definition

Lenny has never heard his songs on the Oud

What are Y Fronts?